summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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