I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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