the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize