A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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