I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
