I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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