we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
