well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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