hotel room ftw
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
