i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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