I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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