I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize