He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
