my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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