I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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