the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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