She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
