New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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