Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
