Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
