also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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