Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
