So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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