I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
