Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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