I could have mohawked her pubes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you had me at cake vodka
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
