Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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