Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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