My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
