my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
