My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize