They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
