She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
