Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
