I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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