I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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