carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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