If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
