I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
