The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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