He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
