I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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