Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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