I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
