I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
