She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
