you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
