Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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