Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
