She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize