She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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