Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My vagina is officially offended.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
