Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
