Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm really busy with my period
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