I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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