I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize