just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize