Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
