so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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