You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
