Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
These tits shall not be calmed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
