My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
