I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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