Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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